I’m a faithful, God-fearing woman, but sometimes God and I don’t agree on the timing of His plans for my life. Our biggest disagreement thus far incited near-blinding anger on my part. Why? For almost my entire life to that point, I’d dreamed of having babies. But it took me more than two years to get pregnant with my firstborn.
For two very long years, my heart broke over and over as I attended one baby shower after another, happy for my friends and devastated for myself. One night, feeling completely defeated, I cried out to God in a journal entry:
“Why, Lord? What have I done? How can I change your mind?”
By the end of the journal entry, I surrendered all. The last words on that page read, “I am listening.”
My perfect son was born 10 months later, and my beautiful daughter arrived two years after that. Only now, on the other side of the waiting, I feel slightly embarrassed that I couldn’t cling to my hope, believe that God would fulfill His promise to me, and wait with joy and anticipation until He did. Truly, that waiting period – as painful as it was – refined me as a mother and as a Christian.
Seasons of waiting have the uncanny ability to purify us in ways we never anticipated. Many times, without our permission, the waiting period strips us of the extra baggage we won’t need for the next leg of the journey. Sometimes it’s in this unwelcome time of waiting that our blinders are removed, and we’re able to confront truths we didn’t see before. Often, waiting leaves us no other option but to wash away the grime of our own selfishness, bullheadedness, pride, arrogance, and false sense of control.
As we are purified, we become a little more like Jesus with every step of the process. Perhaps, if we allow it, this purification can create just enough space and time for us to humbly invite Him into the core of our longing – and to hand over the reins.
What are you waiting for?
“But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
– Isaiah 40:31, ESV
Emma Reynolds
Southern Field Director
Inspirational