My chubby-legged little one was tucked into his high chair on my left, and my little blonde preschooler sat across the table from me. We were rolling one of those cheap rubber balls back and forth across my parents’ round kitchen table. Such a simple thing, but they giggled with joy, so we just kept rolling it back and forth.
During the three months prior to this, I essentially had checked out as a momma. I was battling anxiety and stress, facing a crumbling marriage, and now living with my mom and dad as our life transitioned around me.
It had been as though I was living life as a zombie. Not totally present, but also not entirely removed. My “shell” was there, but I was detached and perpetually dazed. I took my gloomy cloud with me and chose to live under it.
Well, that’s how it was until that rubber-ball day.
My older son came in after we’d been sitting there playing with the ball for a while. I was lost in my own thoughts, as usual, but something caught me off guard.
I heard myself laugh with them.
Then it hit me. These boys were an absolute gift to me, and I was wasting time on the “what-ifs” playing in my head. God had been good – very good – to me. We had what we needed and more.
While I watched that yellow ball bounce, God whispered to me, “You can choose joy!”
It was as if I’d been jerked awake. God was faithful. While I didn’t have everything worked out, I could trust Him enough to simply enjoy the life He’d given me.
I began to plan unusual things that were surprising and joyful for our little family. It shocked me to see how my own change was reflected in my children. They no longer had to step lightly around me. They were free!
We can’t amend many of our own circumstances. We’re helpless to stop the tidal wave of change that meets the shores of our life, but we can decide how to react to all of it.
We will experience grief in this life. We will meet pain, loss, and fear. We will feel our hearts melt inside of us at some point. For a time, it may be all we can do just to breathe.
God doesn’t want us to stay there. Eventually, we come to a place where we’re called to choose joy.
I once read that joy is peace dancing and peace is joy at rest. That’s a beautiful picture in my mind. When we know God, our hearts can rest, and, in turn, dance.
God transformed our little family with a little yellow rubber ball. Thank you, God, for joy!
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
– Romans 15:13, NIV
Suzy Stjernstrom
South Central Field Director
Inspirational