Fall is a spectacular time of the year, especially for those who enjoy the shift in weather and anticipate the various holidays the season brings. However, it can also host shadows of our past. It can remind us of people, places, and roles we have lost, health challenges we are facing, and dreams or hopes buried under difficult and challenging circumstances. All of this may perhaps stir questions or doubt about our faith.
During the holidays our emotions are put on stage, but they do not have to rob our ability to enjoy pleasure in the season. Choosing between joy and feeling blue is not an “either or” option, but a realization that staying courageous when the season is blue can mean we experience both simultaneously.
Living with courage is allowing oneself to be vulnerable to experiencing pain. If you deny one emotion, then you numb others. We need to acknowledge and process them all to heal. When you address your pain, you also make room for joy to come.
C.S. Lewis wrote: “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” Holidays can feel like a megaphone reminding us of our loss, challenging circumstances, and pain.
So what are ways to live authentically and find paths of joy during times when shadows of grief and loss flood our memories and pain is in our hearts and minds?
Be preemptive and have a plan. By acknowledging the changes, challenges and losses, you take control rather than being ambushed in the moment.
Things to consider in your plan:
- What parts of the holiday you are willing to keep and what parts you are willing to let go of?
- What you will say “yes” to and what you will say “no” to?
- What are some new traditions that you would like to create?
- What are some old traditions that you would like to lay to rest?
- How will you take care of yourself on special days or celebrations this season?
- Be realistic: Holidays do not have to be a Hallmark movie. Holidays shouldn’t be used to solve unresolved problems nor are holidays filled with magic that ignore your reality. Giving yourself permission to acknowledge and feel the emotion is both normal and a road towards healing.
- Plan for difficult days by having a list of prepared things that bring you rest, serenity, and joy and then execute this plan on those days.
- Consider putting in place an escape plan when you attend family or group gatherings. Inform your host in advance that you may need to leave early. This allows you to give permission to difficult emotions and experiences without feeling awkward should you need to leave.
- Postpone big decisions that can wait until after the holidays.
- Understand that it is a myth to believe that having faith in Christ equates to happiness. True faith is often expressed in the shadows of pain, so reject the urge to believe that God is absent.
- Lament. God is safe to cry out to, as He is the one that can solve whatever you are facing. To lament is to stake a claim to our faith that reminds us that God will “never leave us or forsake us.” Be mindful that God may not reveal the answers to your questions, but He will reveal himself to you.
- Be realistic regarding your loss, your pain and challenges. Regret can slow your healing down. Choose to live in a “what is” state, rather than “what was.”
- Govern your thought life and “take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5. Focus on what is “true and right” (Philippians 4:8) as you will draw conclusions from what you think and base your decisions on what you conclude.
Staying courageous when the season is blue is not a one-size-fits-all. Be kind to yourself as you face the day-to-day challenges that holidays can often bring, and remember there is a season and time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). God is an unchanging God. Your identity in Christ can never be taken away regardless of how blue you may feel, but you can give your blues over to God.